Hey George

I need to get in contact with George Clooney. I just saw a show on E about Southern stars and they were talking about George Clooney. They kept talking about how all the women loved him and all the guys wanted to be like him. I'm thinking that he could help get my career in show business started. I could hang out with him and people would take notice and wonder who the fat guy is hanging out with George Clooney.

So George, give me a call or send an email, that's probably the best way to get in touch with me. If you called, the phone number would come up "out of area", or "unknown number" and I wouldn't answer it for fear of bill collectors.

Take me under your wing George, I want to learn. I could be your apprentice, but let's call it attache or protege, so as not to upset Donald Trump.